When it's Dark, You Can See the Stars

Yesterday was an excercise in being present. 

In the morning, I took Bronwyn for some routine bloodwork.  She gets this done on a regular basis to check the levels of medicine in her blood, and also to monitor her liver enzymes and other important vitals.  This trip to the Doctor used to be filled with anxiety, tears, and woozy tummies.  Now it's really routine; Bronwyn hardly flinches at the needle.  Of course we have an awesome phlebotomist, who loves and respects Bronwyn and that really makes it better.  But yesterday there was trouble with the vein because there is scar tissue developing there from so much use.  I can't tell you how much this broke my heart when I heard it.  I felt so sad for Bronwyn and how much she has to put up with; how hard she has to work for every little thing.  And yet, she is sweet and sunny and almost never complains.  She is such an incredible example to me.

Later, that evening, I was priviledged enough to be able to hear Greg Mortenson speak at our local college.  If you're not familiar with him, he is best known for the book he wrote called, "Three Cups of Tea," and now his new book, "Stones into Schools."  His life's work revolves around promoting peace through the education of children, especially girls, in Afganistan and Pakistan.  He does this very successfully because he works very hard to obtain support and "buy-in" from the local communities that will be hosting and running the schools.  In this work, Greg is surrounded by adversity.  And when I say adversity, I mean the kind that we really don't want to think about, let alone imagine the details of.  And yet he continues on with compassion, kindness, understanding, and respect.  His goal is to empower people to help themselves, not just to offer assistance to them.  

Greg quoted several people in his speech, but the two that resonated with me that night were these: "Even if the world ends tomorrow, I will plant my seed today." (Martin Luther King Jr.), and "When it's dark, you can see the stars." (A local village leader).  Suddenly I remembered that all that matters is what I'm doing right now.  And yes, it's important for me to think of how my actions might impact the future, but the future is created now.  And also, I realized that there is beauty everywhere and hope everywhere.  Even when (and almost especially when) it's dark.

My Big Dream

*DEEP BREATH* After my post a few days ago about my birthday wish, I felt scattered. I felt like I hadn't spoken the exact truth. I wondered, "What is it that I really want for the second half of my life. The answer was clear. I want world peace and happiness. I know, I know, I had the same thought: "Yeah, of course! Everyone wants world peace, dummy. Way to set the bar so high that you feel defeated." But wait. Is world peace really an impossibility? We won't know until we try. Wanting world peace doesn't mean that I sit around and hope it happens right?

I was listening to an interview on the radio the other day about the horrible horrible atrocities being commited against people in Africa, and my heart just hurt. I felt so helpless and unable to do anything. I mean, I'm so broke that I can't donate $25.00 to the deserving charities that call me every month. And I have very little time to give to worthy causes. So I felt defeated and depressed. I felt small. And feeling small, my mind brought me to my place in the Universe where I'm such a tiny speck as to be completely insignificant. But then I threw myself a lifeline; I thought about the fact that I am one of many other beings, about how I am part of a huge web of life. So while my individuality does not really matter to the universe directly, it does matter to the person directly connected to me. And what they do matters to the person connected to them. And so on. And if what I do influences my neighbor in a positive way, and that helps them help their neighbor, isn't that the first step to world peace? So what I'm thinking is: it's the LITTLE things that we do every day that make the difference. Of course donating a million dollars is great if you can do it, but that's just not most of our realities.

*another deep breath*

I am happy to report that I now feel empowered to make a difference in this, my fourtieth year. It will be barely noticeable in the grand scheme of things; it will be my little secret of small, kind gestures and tolerance and compassion. And that goes for the way I treat myself, too. It is difficult to radiate kindess outward if you can't start inward. I can't wait to get started!



So there. That is my comitment to myself and to you. Happy New Year to everyone. May you feel kindness towards yourself and compassion for others.