Sunday, February 6, 2011

The Flow of Things

I know it has been a while since my last post.  I have been spending a lot of time in deep thought, and just going through my day in slow motion; doing what feels right in the moment.  Although the loss of Bronwyn is terribly painful and I miss her deeply, I am beginning to heal in small ways.  I am starting to sleep better, and I'm starting to feel creative again. 

One of the things that helped me was to move my sewing studio into Bronwyn's room.  I had been spending a lot of time in her room, wanting to feel close to her, and Brian suggested that I move my workspace there so that I could let myself have a natural flow from grief to creativity. 


The first project that I worked on was a hand sewn wool felt cover for the box that Bronwyn's ashes are in.  It felt good to make something important for her as a way to initiate our shared space.  I used hand dyed felted merino wool as the fabric, and linen thread for stitching.  The buttons came from my collection that Bronwyn used to play with. 



 I am beginning to  feel ready to embark on other projects and have several in the works. I plan on coming back to my blog and to the rest of the world on a more consistent basis now.  Healing has multiple parts, it seems, and for me the first part was stillness.  This next part will be activity and stillness together.  Thank-You for your patience and support through my process.  I love you.

14 comments:

wishes, true and kind said...

I took an unplanned break from blogging and blog reading and so just now found out that you lost your sweet Bronwyn. I have had to go back and read your posts, which was very hard. You wrote so beautifully about her in life (and now in death), and I ache for you and your loss. I just can't even imagine what it must be like for you. So heartbreaking! Thank you so much for sharing her short, beautiful life with your readers. I am so sorry for your loss and have written a little reminder note so that I will remember to pray for you in the days ahead. Take care,
Joan

Colleen MacDonald said...

Oh Joan, Thank-You. It is a truly heartwrenching journey. What a priviledge to have been her parent, though. I feel grateful to have had her, even if it was such a short time. I cling to the positive while I cry for my own self.

Flavia said...

you could not have done better!
I'm sure it this space will do much good for you.
much, much love my sweet friend.

bellefourche said...

The space looks beautiful, as does the felt cover that you made. I'm sure Bronwyn would love that you two get to share her space for such special things.

Colleen MacDonald said...

Thank-You my Dear Friends.

quinncreative said...

What a wonderful, deepsmart knowledge you have that healing happens in both silence and activity, and accepting both. Bronwyn was a gift both in life and in death. You may not know this, but you inspired so many of us to be a little kinder, a bit more patient, to seek the compassionate answer instead of the easy one. In your grief, you have taught us of healing. We are better for having known Bronwyn and for knowing you.

Colleen MacDonald said...

That is so comforting, Quinn, Thank-You for saying so. :)

picciolo said...

I have been thinking of you and checking your blog to see if you had updated, I'm glad you are as ok as you can be and I hope the small things continue to help you. What a lovely idea to move your workspace into Bronwyns room, and your felt box cover is very beautiful. She was a lucky girl to have you as her mum.
xxx

Colleen MacDonald said...

Thank-You for checking in on me, Jane. That means so much! I am so incredibly grateful for all of the support... it just means more than can be imagined.

Stephanie said...

Moving your sewing studio into Bronwyn's room is such a wonderful thing..."a natural flow from grief to creativity." I think that's perfect.

Colleen MacDonald said...

Yes, it really was perfect. At first I just kindof hung out in there. Now I'm starting to work, and it feels good.

Victoria said...

Colleen, I think of you everyday, and always send you loving thoughts. You continue to inspire and teach me with your common sense and intuitive wisdom... doing what feels right in the moment, and not passing judgement on yourself, (as you state in the post above this one). What a powerful reminder to all of us to be gentler, and more fluid with ourselves and our lives.

I think it is wonderful that as you now arrive at the place where you are ready for new creativity to flow from you, you have found a beautiful way of incorporating Bronwyn's presence in this healing journey. (Your husband sounds like a wise one, too.) xo

Georgina said...

You are doing so well. Your expression of love for your daughter and your grief is making such a wonderful contribution to the goodness of this difficult world. I love the felted box cover you have made for your daughter. My son's ashes have been in a little plain wooden box for 23 years now and I think I will borrow your idea so he and I can spend a little quality time together.

Colleen MacDonald said...

Oh Victoria, I think of you so much, too! I have your sweet little wall hanging in my studio, and so I am reminded of you when I look at it!

Georgina, Thank-You so much for your comments. I found making the box cover such a healing thing to do.