Saturday, December 11, 2010

Solitude Standing

Here I am.  At the beginning.  At the end.  A re-birth of sorts. 

I am a vagabond in my own life at the moment, but a vagabond with potential.  What that will look like, I don't know, but I am open to finding out.

 It has been raining buckets this past week, and two days ago I went to one of our local watersheds, McLane Creek, for a few hours of dripping silence.  The chum salmon run had just finished, and their bodies were strewn about the banks of the creek, effort and passion spent.  New Hemlocks grew up from rotting stumps, and moss and lichens re-claimed old branches. 

I reflected on the cycle of life, and felt the reason in it; the peace of it. 

It was a healing walk.

And so it begins.

8 comments:

Alin Steglinski said...

i could /never/ be a parent. having such a special child then having to watch them die... id get suicidal and end up killing myself...

Pam Corwin, Business of Crafts said...

Colleen, I love your writing - your honesty and wisdom, your sprit and your heart. Thank you for this.

Colleen MacDonald said...

That's what I always used to think, Alin. But the truth is, killing myself would not help carry Bronwyn's light on in the world. She is a part of me and always will be. If I killed myself, I would not honor her. I do feel terribly sad, and right now I'm just trying to take good care of myself so that I can later share Bronwyn's light with the world. Parenting is complex and full of pain and joy regardless of the circumstances. It's definitely not for everyone.

Olivia Salazar de Breaux said...

Colleen, you are one of my heroes. You are so in touch with what truly is important in life. Your ability to continue holding on to love and light despite your adversity makes my heart swell with pride - to know such a magnificent human being. Sending you hugs and warm thoughts. Olivia

Stephanie said...

You are such a poignant writer and brave for sharing your story & feelings. As I embark into motherhood I will keep your words of wisdom top of mind: "Parenting is complex and full of pain and joy regardless of the circumstances."

Anonymous said...

Coleen, i am exceptionally thankful to you for sharing this blog. I have three girls, and i don't know what i would do without any one of them, although i would like to say that days would move on, i only pray to have as much courage and light in my own grief if i ever had to face a battle like yours. Thank you

Victoria said...

Colleen, your words are so full of poignancy. I think of you often throughout the days. I think of the life you shared with Bronwyn, the life that you will eventually lead, and the journey between the two. You are a grace filled person, a truly rare gem.

"New Hemlocks grew up from rotting stumps, and moss and lichens re-claimed old branches." ... beautifully expressed. xo

Anonymous said...

Il semble que vous soyez un expert dans ce domaine, vos remarques sont tres interessantes, merci.

- Daniel