Wednesday, December 8, 2010

What She Gave Me

It has been a long while since I've posted, and I wish I could tell you that it has been so long because of normal busy reasons.  The past month and a half have been difficult because my beautiful daughter suffered from seizures terribly, and the day before Thanksgiving, Bronwyn passed away in the Pediatric ICU in Seattle after all attempts to gain control of her seizures failed. 

I ache with missing her.

I know that grief is a process, and I'm only just beginning.  But I re-read this post that I wrote late in October, and realize how much Bronwyn has taught me about living my life thoughtfully.  Bronwyn has given me so much in her short life, and I realize that she continues to give even now after she's gone.  I take comfort in the knowledge that her flame can burn brightly through my actions, and that her flame can be shared with others.  That is so healing all by itself.

What Bronwyn Gave Me:

Patience
Compassion
Perspective
Love
An understanding of selfless giving
The ability to listen
Joy
How to listen to my heart
The ability to be a strong advocate
The importance of receiving: this is something she's teaching me now.

Thank-You my sweet daughter.  I love you forever; you are always with me. 
Until we meet again.

17 comments:

Flavia da Rocha said...

Colleen
Bronwyn has been and always will be a blessing.
Now you can not see but can feel their presence.
She'll give you strength to carry on, spreading it all she taught you.
The path she showed you is wonderful.
A path that few know.
The path of true love. Love without measures.
Unconditional love.
Surely one day you will meet

Much love,
Flavia

juglans said...

Amen! Love to you all from the Bluegrass...

Jenni said...

I love this beautiful picture of you two. My Brian showed me this October post of yours last week and I caught my breath. The image you drew is full of such generosity, beauty and grace.

We love Bronwyn. We love you.

Pam Corwin, Business of Crafts said...

Oh, Colleen. This brought me to tears. You are such a wise and beautiful soul. Both you and Bronwyn have touched everyone that love you so deeply. You have taught us all so much about grace, love and selflessness. I am so grateful to have known that sweet girl, and to learn from your journey.

Pam Corwin, Business of Crafts said...

Oh, Colleen. This brought me to tears. You are such a wise and beautiful soul. Both you and Bronwyn have touched everyone that love you so deeply. You have taught us all so much about grace, love and selflessness. I am so grateful to have known that sweet girl, and to learn from your journey.

Kristi / SuperMomx3 said...

I'm grateful you are able to share what's in your heart. It touches me deeply and I've gained much from following your story. I ache for you.
Much Much Love to you ~ kristi

Livinia Redlips said...

so sorry -

the posts about your Bronwyn, were always so sweet.

Alin Steglinski said...

dang it i promised i woudlnt cry when you posted this to your blog

Sunee Turnbull said...

I do not know you or your daughter, i was looking at this post on my friend Jennifers page, you are a wonderful women and mother, children teach us so much, but your little angel taught you so much more, god gave you her to show you and guide you she looks happy with you in the picture. You were her angel as she was yours.

The Mayberry Sparrow said...

I've been praying for comfort for you-i so wish I could come and hug you in person.
I never met your sweet daughter, but I can see what a bright, wonderful, loving, and warm little girl she was.
Nothing can take away the impression that she's made on the world, your heart, and others. You will always be her Mama, and she will always be your child.

xo

Victoria said...

Dear Colleen,

I am crying so hard.
You have no idea the lessons that you and Bronwyn have taught me. The strength, courage, grace, beauty, joy and love that you both radiate, have lifted me many times, and reminded me as to what is truly important.

My heart goes out to you, mother to mother, and I thank you for the gift that you gave to all of us, by sharing your journey with your beautiful Bronwyn.

Though I never met her, I will carry her memory, and the words and images of how you were with her, in my heart for the rest of my life, as I was touched that deeply. (And truly, I do not think that I will ever come across another mother that I admire more then you.)

I have no doubt that one day you will meet again, and this time she will be able to run laughing, into your arms. Until then, may your life be filled with one beautiful grace filled moment after another. May the sun shine on you extra sweetly. May birds sing and flowers bloom everywhere you walk... and may you always feel Bronwyn's love in each of those miracles.

Much love, Vic

Melanie Scrivner said...

Colleen,
My name is Melanie Scrivner and I am close family friends with Aiden's mom Jen. I was Aidens care giver before Chris. Its not often that people get the chance to meet children like Bronwyn and Aiden. To really see the true beauty and happiness that radiates from them, is a chance of a life time and Bronwyn gave that to you along with her unconditional love,as Aiden has for me. Thank you for being such a wonderful parent and advocate for Bronwyn. I know that she is deeply missed. I have to think that Bronwyn must have had a higher purpose than any of us can imagine. My heart goes out to you and I thank you for sharing Bronwyn with us.

Stephanie said...

Colleen, I read this just tonight and I can hardly get through the tears to type or I would say much more. You are so strong. And you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Lilyworks said...

I find the loss of Bronwyn almost too much to understand. I just looked at your October sketch and it looks just like the little bird that visited my feeder the day she left us...

You were such a wonderful mother to her and your gratitude for her gifts is very moving. Take care, Bev

picciolo said...

Oh Colleen, what a brave post I am so sorry for your loss - I know no words can really help but please know that I am thinking of you and sending you a huge hug. xxx

inaluxe said...

Hi Colleen, I'm so sorry - I haven't had time to read up lately, and I can't believe this has happened. I think I'm with Alin - can't help but cry reading your post.

I don't think there's anything I can say that won't sound dumb, so I send big hugs, and love to you instead. xo Kristina.

Colleen MacDonald said...

There's nothing dumb about the heartfelt expression of sadness. The loss of Bronwyn is profound for each of us, I know. Words don't do it justice, but I truly apprciate everyone's comments of support. It is going to be a very long journey for me from now on. But I feel dedicated to carrying Bronwyn's flame. Thank-you all so much.