My Big Dream

*DEEP BREATH* After my post a few days ago about my birthday wish, I felt scattered. I felt like I hadn't spoken the exact truth. I wondered, "What is it that I really want for the second half of my life. The answer was clear. I want world peace and happiness. I know, I know, I had the same thought: "Yeah, of course! Everyone wants world peace, dummy. Way to set the bar so high that you feel defeated." But wait. Is world peace really an impossibility? We won't know until we try. Wanting world peace doesn't mean that I sit around and hope it happens right?

I was listening to an interview on the radio the other day about the horrible horrible atrocities being commited against people in Africa, and my heart just hurt. I felt so helpless and unable to do anything. I mean, I'm so broke that I can't donate $25.00 to the deserving charities that call me every month. And I have very little time to give to worthy causes. So I felt defeated and depressed. I felt small. And feeling small, my mind brought me to my place in the Universe where I'm such a tiny speck as to be completely insignificant. But then I threw myself a lifeline; I thought about the fact that I am one of many other beings, about how I am part of a huge web of life. So while my individuality does not really matter to the universe directly, it does matter to the person directly connected to me. And what they do matters to the person connected to them. And so on. And if what I do influences my neighbor in a positive way, and that helps them help their neighbor, isn't that the first step to world peace? So what I'm thinking is: it's the LITTLE things that we do every day that make the difference. Of course donating a million dollars is great if you can do it, but that's just not most of our realities.

*another deep breath*

I am happy to report that I now feel empowered to make a difference in this, my fourtieth year. It will be barely noticeable in the grand scheme of things; it will be my little secret of small, kind gestures and tolerance and compassion. And that goes for the way I treat myself, too. It is difficult to radiate kindess outward if you can't start inward. I can't wait to get started!



So there. That is my comitment to myself and to you. Happy New Year to everyone. May you feel kindness towards yourself and compassion for others.

I Guess I'm A Grown-Up Now

Well, today is my Birthday, and it's one that I'm sitting up straight for. I've turned 40 today. Wow. 4o. Really?? I've known that it has been on its way for quite sometime now, so to be suprised by it is a little funny. But I am. Suprised, I mean. I have to say that I've been thinking a lot about what it means to me to be about half-way through my years; what I want to do with the rest of my life. This brings new year's resolutions to a whole new level entirely!

Here are my random thoughts on what I'd like to give myself for my birthday:

I would like to treat myself as though I really matter. That means, I need to go to bed at a reasonable hour. Sleep is precious and helpful. Also, I need to eat to maximize my health and well-being. It feels hard to say "No" to those yummy empty calories and foods that are actually toxic, but isn't it harder to deal with the negative consequences? Excercise and reflective thought are also on my list. I think I would like to start practicing some sort of yoga again.

As I'm writing this, I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed. Maybe I need to just breathe in deeply and take one day at a time. I'll think about this ever-growing list of what I'd like to do for myself and get back to you! In the meantime, I would like to welcome myself to maturity and also to reassure the child within that she is also important and not forgotten.

Peace and love,

Colleen.

Counting the Industrious

Today is a slow day; Bronwyn is having a few more seizures than normal, and so we are spending a lot of time on the couch. Luckily we have a large picture window nearby, and we can look out and see the birds flitting, flying, and feeding! So far, I've seen these birds:

Black-capped Chickadee

Red Breasted Nuthatch

Red Shafted Flicker

Juncos

American Goldfinch

Ruby Crowned Kinglet

Glaucous Winged Gull (seagull)

Crow

Scrub Jay

Stellar's Blue Jay

Bushtit

Red Breasted Robin

House Sparrow

Purple finch

Starling

Rufous Sided Towhee

Our soundtrack this morning is: Rory Block's "I'm Every Woman," Eric Bibb's "Get on Board," and now Cathy Fink's "Banjo Talkin'" All of these courtesy of my fabulous Step-Father-In-Law, Rik, who understands my need for tunes.

Have a blessed day; we will do the same. And Merry Christmas Eve.

Nesting

Every morning lately, Bronwyn and I have started a lovely little routine. After we open our eyes in the morning (but before we're really awake), I set up a little nest for her on the couch. I put on some music, and tuck her in. From this vantage point, she can see our Christmas tree, look out the window, or see me in the kitchen (we have a very small house). Then I get started on breakfast (coffee first!). With all of the snow and ice outside right now, I have to say I feel super snug and happy. This morning we're listening to Bobbie Nelson's "Autobiography" album. That's Willie Nelson's sister, just in case you didn't know.

Solstice

Today is the solstice, the longest day of the year and the first day of winter. When I walk outside, it's difficult not to agree that, in fact, it is winter. But to me, this is actually the last day of of that coldest season. Tomorrow, there will be just a little more light and the day after tomorrow, a little more still. Is that not the quietest and most powerful indication that Spring is on its way? Today, I enjoy winter to the fullest, because I know that it will soon be gone.

Wonderland

We are knee-deep in snow this week. It's so beautiful and sparkly and quiet! Yesterday, my husband and I drove our daughter up north to a Children's Hospital for some tests. Everything came back normal, so that was great, but it took us over 4 hours to get home because the roads were so bad. Today I feel great being able to stay home and walk if I want to go somewhere.

Dreams

I had a dream last night that was very scary. I dreamed that doctors told me that my daughter was a vegetable and didn't have long to live. I woke up terrified and feeling like I had been punched in the stomach. When I went into her bedroom, she looked at me and smiled; physical confirmation that I was now in my real world and no longer in the nightmare. But here's the thing: I still felt afraid. My daughter has multiple neurological issues, and we are forever going to doctors' offices and hospitals. This, of course, has it's own stressful aspects and so I have an underlying sense of worry at all times (but doesn't every parent?). But I REALLY felt the doom from this dream. It made me realize the power that my mind has to change my own reality. I mean, it was just a dream and yet I was practically in tears and wanting to cling to my child to make sure she was all right. So I ask, if my mind has the ability to manifest a powerful fear out of thin air, can I also manifest a powerful sense of hope? The answer is, "Yes." I know because I have done it. So this makes me wonder, "what is real?" I guess reality is what you create.

Now I don't want to go around with my fingers in my ears singing, "la-la-la-la-la, I can't hear you!" to anything that I find unpleasant (I'm no bliss-ninny), but I do want to remind myself to stay centered in my own truths. I know what I'm talking about, do you?

THE WINNER!

And the winner of the little birdie ornament is.....Mel, (reach for the stars). Congratulations!

I will contact you and get your address so that I can send your prize. Thanks to all of you for posting your comments and going to look at Mari's beautiful work. I plan to feature an artist every month, and hopefully do more giveaways in the future too!

A Tiny Giveaway

What is an artist? What makes a person an artist as opposed to simply a casual crafter? Is there a difference between art and craft? I'm not the holder of the answers to these questions, but I've got some loose opinions on the matter. It seems to me that passion and drive and intention are some of the characteristics that define an artist. But really, aren't we all artists in our own special way? I spent some of my years as a biologist, which I find a very creative endevour. But I digress. The reason I posed the questions above is because there is a person, who I am honored to call a friend, that is most decidedly an artist. Here are some of her creations. At first blush, they appear to be merely beautiful handiwork, but there's more. Mari, owner of Fiberwhimz, puts so much of herself into each piece. For Mari, felting wool is a process that adds her energy to her creation. She sells pendants that are full of intention. Literally. She decides the intent, and then focuses on that intent during the creation of it. The pendants are wet felted, hand beaded, and meditated upon during the whole process. Then the reverse side of the pendant holds the word that Mari focused on, so that you can remind yourself of the intent whenever you need to. That's art. That's something that gives back to you. Recently, Mari approached me about making some little bird ornaments, and she wondered if she could have some of my fabric scraps in trade for some birds. I jumped at the chance! So in honor of Mari, I will be offering a GIVEAWAY of a little birdie from Mari's shop. Just leave a comment between now and December 15th. I will randomly draw a name from the proverbial hat and announce the winner (and request an address) on the 16th. Good luck everyone, and go visit Mari's shop!

Tomboy Wallet - Bicicleta

I have finally managed to add a new design to my collection. Here, my Tomboy wallet; a bifold that has a place for cards, paper money, and coins. I think it's positively adorable, and I feel so proud of myself for finally perfecting the pattern and getting these intoproduction. They're fun to make and even more fun to use!

Feeling Official

I have been thinking about the goals for my business, and I finally decided that it is okay to not do EVERY little thing myself. I need balance in my life, and my daughter and husband also need balance in MY life. So, I decided to stop making my own stickers for packaging and order some custom stickers for my store. They arrived yesterday. I LOVE them! They're simple, but they will save me time and money. I feel so official now! I purchased 1,000 of them, so I don't think I will have to even think about more stickers for a really really long time!